


Still You Stand

by chess_and_politics



Category: Chess - Rice/Ulvaeus/Andersson
Genre: (as he always is when I write), M/M, freddy is trans, me using little oneshot fics to share my Freddy hcs?, more likely than u think, references to self harm, this is a lot of soft but also kinda tugs at Freddy’s Past n his issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27364588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chess_and_politics/pseuds/chess_and_politics
Summary: You are a church of broken glass and hallelujahs.You are haunted like every other holy thing.What tried to destroy you didn’t have the strength.Still you stand.Sturdy and smelling of smoke.— Clementine von Radics—————Anatoly wonders about who Freddy has been, about the life he lived before this. Even if Freddy doesn’t speak about it, he shares enough to make Anatoly curious.
Relationships: Anatoly Sergievsky/Frederick Trumper
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sorry, I give Freddy scars that have absolutely no canon basis but like. it makes for good fic writing

Anatoly passed that scar a hundred times. It arched on his right side, a curved cut from where his ribs ended to his waist. It was difficult to miss, but never acknowledged. When their fling began, it was clear they were physical, not emotional, in their involvement. Freddy was temperamental too, and he knew that pressing was an easy way to make the other man’s temper explode.

But now…. their relationship had changed. They had lived together for almost a year, sharing a bed and an apartment and a life. The tension between them had shattered (in a good way), and Anatoly finally felt like he could ask the tougher questions. Whatever they were now, he knew they could survive some deeper conversations.

He knew he had to be straightforward. Both of them were too good at avoiding their problems, at running away and pushing down what they didn’t want to acknowledge. Anatoly slid his hands under the hem of Freddy’s white T-shirt, smiling as Freddy dug his fingers harder into his back. He eased it up and over his head, then tossed it aside. Freddy ran a hand through his hair to smooth it down — it was just long enough to be disturbed by the shirt, a few strands sticking up in defiance even still. 

Anatoly leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Don’t worry, we’ll be messing it up more tonight,” he whispered into Freddy’s ear, before sucking a mark just below his earlobe. Freddy wrapped an arm tightly around his neck and pulled him close, giving Anatoly a small sense of relief. Freddy was comfortable and happy and encouraging Anatoly to touch him more. He spent awhile more marking up Freddy’s neck, nipping and sucking until the other man tugged his head back. They stared at each other for a moment. Then Freddy leaned up and pressed a kiss to the curve of his neck. Anatoly hummed softly, tilting his head and holding Freddy close.

“Can’t let you do everything,” he mumbled, lips brushing against Anatoly’s skin.

Anatoly traced his hand down Freddy’s back, eliciting a shiver from him. “No, you can’t,” he agreed. 

Once Freddy was satisfied with the small bruise blooming on Anatoly’s neck, he kissed him softly and relaxed against the bed once more.

He descended down Freddy’s body, trailing a line of kisses from the middle of his throat to the center of his chest. He paused for just a moment, observing the gentle rise and fall of the other man’s chest as he breathed. Then he continued down. He paused for just a moment to comfortably shift his own body, and when he did, he remembered what he had been wanting to ask this entire time. Unsure of how to break that ice, he pressed a kiss to the skin just above the waistband of his boxers and looked up at Freddy. His eyes flicked over to the scar, then back to his lover’s gaze. Anatoly sat back and finally asked, “May I touch you here?”

“What? I—“ Any confusion Freddy felt dissipated when he felt a thumb rest just underneath the scar on his torso. “I… yeah, that’s fine.”

Anatoly pressed a tender kiss to his sternum, then carefully ghosted his thumb over the length of the scar. It wasn’t thin or faint, it was clearly something that hadn’t had the luxury of healing properly… it stretched from where the right half of his ribcage ended to his waist, curving unevenly. He thought on how to ask anything more about it, unsure of how openly Freddy would speak of it.

Freddy’s eyes had closed, focusing on his lover’s gentle touch. “If you’re looking for an interesting story, you’re gonna be disappointed,” he murmured, drawing Anatoly’s eyes up to his face for a brief moment. He looked… contemplative. Indecisive. “Just from a fight, when I was younger.”

“A fight?” He asked, mapping out the scar tissue beneath his finger. “Must’ve been a bad one.”

He frowned. “Didn’t have a whole lot of good ones,” he said. “I didn’t have the money to go to a hospital or anything like that. Just didn’t heal right, I guess.”

Anatoly leaned down and lightly kissed the end of the scar that pointed up at Freddy’s chest. “How old is it?”

“Oh. Got it in my teens, probably. I don’t really remember _when_... everything starts to blur together, after awhile.” There was a hint of… something in his voice. Anatoly wondered if he was withholding. Freddy combed his fingers through Anatoly’s hair. “Something spark your curiosity about it, or?”

“Nothing in particular.” He traced a finger along it again. “Does it bother you to have scars touched like this?”

“No,” he said quietly. “Not when it’s you.” The words made Anatoly’s heart falter for a moment. Freddy scratched gently at the base of his scalp, seemingly unaware of the effect his words had on the Russian. “Kinda surprised you asked, honestly. I guess I never noticed you’ve never touched me there.”

“I’d rather be overly cautious than cause discomfort,” he replied, pressing a kiss to a part of Freddy’s hip that lay exposed. “In any and every way.”

Freddy snorted. “That’s sweet, but I’m not fragile. I’m not _that_ touchy.” His fingers toyed idly with the other man’s curls. “I’ve had most of them so long, it’s just skin now. I let you touch the rest of me, I don’t see a point in keeping those spots off limits.”

“Good to know,” he murmured. He felt those skinny fingers tug at his hair, urging him back up. Anatoly grinned and ceded to the pull of his lover’s hand. Freddy propped himself up on his elbows, catching him in a kiss. Anatoly eased him back against the mattress. 

As he settled a hand over the scar on the other man’s side, Freddy gave a small sigh and relaxed further. 

“Feels nice?”

Freddy smiled faintly. “Uh, yeah. It really does.”


	2. Chapter 2

Freddy’s face had _character_. Of course Anatoly found him handsome, but it was more than that. His features were interesting. His body told stories, and his face was no different. Anatoly had ample time to observe the intricacies of Freddy’s face, and knew the other man’s features intimately.

His nose was perhaps one of Anatoly’s favorite features. Its asymmetricality gave it distinction, in his eyes. Midway down, it angled ever so slightly leftward. A subtle feature that Anatoly had come to adore. A part of him knew exactly how it must’ve come to be like this, but it only added to the intrigue.

Going into their… living situation, Anatoly had been given a few guidelines from Walter ( _for his own good_ , he was told by the agent). One of these had been to give Freddy no access to razors without direct supervision. The underlying condition of this, however, was actually having to be present when Freddy shaved. Both Freddy and Anatoly had taken this in stride, and kept true to it. Awkward at the best of times, embarrassing at the worst, but it worked.

Anatoly was seated on the counter one of these times, finding it the most comfortable place to sit in the moment. There was an extra air of nerves in the room as Freddy finished drying off and pulled his underwear on. He approached the counter.

“It’s not difficult,” Anatoly assured him. “You know how to shave, and you can see everything clearly in the mirror.”

Freddy nodded. “Just feels weird doing it for the first time,” he mumbled. He sprayed some shaving cream out onto his hands, lathered them, and carefully spread it over his face. Anatoly watched in slight amusement as he rinsed his hands off. “Razor,” he said holding a hand out to his boyfriend.

Anatoly placed it in his hand. “You can do it.” He settled back to watch, always appreciative of the sight of the other man. His focus, naturally, fell on Freddy’s face as he glided the razor over his skin. “Looks cute when it’s stubble,” he said casually.

Freddy stuck his tongue out, then scrunched his face up at the taste of shaving cream. “It’s not sposed to be cute, it’s _manly_ ,” he said.

“Cute in a manly way,” Anatoly said. He watched Freddy bring the razor across the same patch of skin. “Here, let me show you how.” He slipped his fingers around Freddy’s hand and urged the razor out of his hand. “Relax your jaw.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard you say that~”

Anatoly gently pushed Freddy’s chin to the side with his thumb, stretching his cheek out ever so slightly. ”Shush.” He smoothed the razor over his skin, firm but careful. He rinsed it off in the sink and returned to Freddy’s face.

His movements slow and deliberate, Anatoly shaved his lover’s face. Freddy’s arms curled loosely around his hips. His elbows rested on the base of Anatoly’s thighs, with his hands stroking at the base of his spine. At first, he stared at Anatoly. Over time, he let his eyes close, seemingly relaxed into Anatoly’s touch. Anatoly pressed kisses to his forehead between strokes, smoothed his thumb over freshly shaved skin, and occasionally brushed wet strands of hair out of Freddy’s face.

It was finished, eventually, and Anatoly wiped away the last traces of shaving cream with a towel. Freddy cracked one eye open.

“So how was your first shave?” He asked, running a hand through Freddy’s hair.

Freddy smiled faintly and closed his eyes again. “You really like making everything an excuse to get handsy, don’t you?”

He set the razor aside and draped his arms over Freddy’s bare shoulders. “What? I was just demonstrating a proper shave.” Freddy hummed and raised his eyebrows, opening his eyes to look at him. Anatoly laughed softly. “Alright, perhaps I took advantage of the opportunity to get my hands on you. In my defense, you have a very lovely face.”

“Mm, wrong, but I do like you touching me.”

Anatoly traces a finger down Freddy’s nose, then pressed a kiss to the tip. “I’m afraid you can’t convince me otherwise. I could look at these eyes—“

Freddy shivered as Anatoly leaned in and pressed his lips to his left eyelid. 

“—these lips—“

Anatoly kissed him, drawing a deep sigh from the other man as he nipped at his lower lip.

”—and this handsome nose, all the time.”

Freddy froze up as Anatoly kissed the bridge of his nose. “I wouldn’t call it _handsome_ ,” he mumbled, “more weird, or fucked up.” 

“It’s charming,” he said. “...is it because it was broken?”

A frown flicked across his lips. “I, yeah…”

“A fight?”

“Not much of a fight,” he half-murmured. “More of a one-off. A lesson.”

“Lesson?”

Freddy bit his lip. “Uh, nothing. Misspoke, I’m sorry.”

“No apology needed,” he said, concerned by the look on his lover’s face. 

“Just, uh, yeah. Wasn’t really a fight. Got punched and I’m not great at setting noses.”

Anatoly cupped each side of Freddy’s jaw in his hands, smoothing his thumbs gently over his cheekbones. “Whoever told you it was anything less than handsome was clearly a liar.”

“Uh…” he hesitated for a second. “Well— actually, uhm, yeah….. about a lot of things. I didn’t even— I assumed everyone thought that about it.”

“Saying something many times can be convincing, but doesn’t change the truth.” Anatoly himself was all too familiar with that idea. “The truth is that you’re a handsome, attractive man, and your nose adds to the charm.”

After a moment of silent contemplation, face resting in Anatoly’s hands, he said, “I’m once again glad that it’s harder to cry than it used to be, otherwise I’d be looking so dumb right now. That’s sweet. You’re sweet. You’re lucky I like sweetness.”

Anatoly smiled and slid his hands down to grasp Freddy’s thin shoulders. “Happy to hear that. As much as I love being this close with you, we can’t cuddle in the bathroom all day.”

“Can’t have you complaining about your back all week,” Freddy agreed, shifting enough to let Anatoly stand. He pulled Anatoly into a hug.

He curled his arms around Freddy’s neck and kissed him. “Mm, you should get dressed instead of making fun of my back pain. Otherwise I’ll have to kiss you to make you shut up.”

“Oh, and I wouldn’t want that, now, would I,” he said, rolling his eyes. Anatoly laughed and pressed a kiss to the bridge of his nose. Freddy smiled and shrugged Anatoly’s arms off, moving away to finish getting ready.


End file.
